She was new to our group. 
A woman you could judge from the outside had not yet mastered the “church look” and our study group quickly realized had also not been trained in the “church talk.” We went around the table that morning sharing what God was doing in our lives as the result of the Bible study we were taking. Distracted minds or tired bodies seemed to lend to a sort of reluctance to speak up and share but our new friend came rearing to speak up. She shared how God had redeemed her life from drugs and addiction. She shared how she was trying hard to learn how to “fit in” at church and not speak out of turn or inappropriately. She had so much excitement she could hardly manage to stay in her chair as she bounced with her new found joy. She broke the ice and then our weekly attenders began to share. We talked about our tendency to judge others. We talked about our feelings of inadequacy as moms and the responsibility of raising kids. We discussed our difficulty in holding our tongues and loving others outside of our comfort zone.
You could sense her reluctance but the same energy that propelled her testimony seemed to spill out whilst introduced with an apology. “I know you ladies don’t know me very well but I just have to ask something……Why are you all so hard on yourselves?” “I hear you share how you don’t know if you are being a good mom and yet you are there for your kids everyday. I was on drugs and didn’t care at all about my kids. My life was full of addiction. And yet I praise God she is giving me a second chance. I hear you judge yourselves so harshly for not being great parents and I just don’t get it.” “I hear you share about having a hard time judging others but I can tell you from the second I walked through the doors of this church I have been loved. I have been embraced, accepted, and encouraged.” You could sense the sadness and confusion as she seemed to blurt out these words.
I felt a bit like I needed to comfort her. To assure her that she was wanted and needed in our group. But I had to be honest. “Jennifer, can I share something with you that you may not know about us church ladies? While most of us can have the utmost grace, love and acceptance of you as a precious sister who is new in her walk with God, we tend to be judge harshly those who are already saved.”
Did I just say that out loud? Her perplexed look confirmed that I had. And yet the entire table of ladies found something to which they could all agree without hesitation.
And it is that moment that has worked on me this past week. It is her words that have encouraged me and yet convicted me of how I have judged myself and others, in the area of parenting. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we not seem to offer grace to each other as we walk alongside of each other on this journey?
Maybe we somehow feel responsible to be the kind of parent that God is to us…..perfect…..but we can’t, we aren’t. We cannot be perfect parents with perfect children. We can only be imperfect parents with imperfect children who seek the face of our perfect Father. We have a Father who will lead us and guide us. One that will encourage us and show us the way of His plan. And so I took her encouragement this week. To not be so hard on myself and not be so critical of others. Parenting is difficult. (and I think God may say the same thing.) It is a long adventure with many pitfalls. And while we have no idea what challenges many moms face as they get up each morning, we do know that a little grace goes a long way.
Honestly I wasn’t sure if she would be back the next week. Feeling lead to share the story with our larger bible study group I noted she wasn’t in the room. As I began to share about our table’s encounter with grace the previous week the tears began to flow. Humbled that God would both encourage me and discipline me in the same encounter. But as I finished I looked up to see she had found her way into our room. Her eyes as wet as my own.
Hebrews 10:25 “And let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Tina