anything???? Anything? Anything. ANYTHING!
A few weeks ago I read a post here called Take the Journey written by Jennifer Mills (check it out) talking about her life-changing experience after reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen. I was feeling a little bit stale myself, so I was intrigued. I was literally born and raised in the church. Dad was a deacon – mom sang soprano in the choir. We had the keys to the church – opened the doors and closed them down. It’s been my life. I struggle at times to keep church from being routine. You go through the same old motions every day – you know what’s expected and you just do it. Problem is, it’s not going far enough – it’s not getting down deep in your soul where the real stuff lies. Sooooo, I immediately downloaded the book (thank you, Nook).
What a challenge just reading the book has become. Anything? Really? Just like the first line, I tentatively said anything? As I delved further into the book and began to see how it would change my life, I got braver. Just like the author, I offered God my house. Thought that was a pretty good offer. Then I realized God was probably thinking, “Big Woo“. My husband and I are empty nesters and honestly don’t need the house. It truly was not a step of faith.
Ok, God here goes – You can have my home – not my house – my home. My neighborhood, my town, maybe even my state (note the maybe on that last one). I can do this because if I truly believe God is in control, I will be OK – right? I’m beginning to get it.
I’m such a control freak. Just ask my daughter about the spreadsheets I handed out when we were planning her wedding. Not knowing what God has in store is so hard. As I hand over solid, tangible things that I know to the unknown I find it tough. But as that peaceful, contented feeling of God’s wonderful plan grows I’m able to slowly unpry my fingers one by one from around the things of my life.
I wish I could say I was at the ANYTHING! but I’m not. I’m still clinging tightly to several things – my family for one. God has taken so many members of my family home that I really struggle with truly letting them go. Yes, I know giving God my family doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll die and in many ways I have offered them up to him since birth but the finality of Anything scares me. Again it’s a control issue. So grateful I have a patient loving God. He knows I’m trying.
The absurd thing is I know it all belongs to Him anyway. I know my life will be better if I give it all up but there’s still this human part inside me that wants to make the plans and set the course. But after reading this book, I can say my walk is no longer stale. I’m being challenged, I’m stretching my wings, and I’m growing again. I’m getting there and as I offer up the pieces of my life, I cannot wait to see what God does with them.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11