Divide and Conquer was our strategy. There were five of us attending Lifeway’s DotMom conference in Birmingham and the break out sessions offered were so intriguing we decided to divide and conquer to get as much out of the conference as possible. Here are notes compiled by Melissa Neely from attending the Pam Gibbs session on:
What your teenage daughter wants to tell you. Here is what she would say…
1) I feel insecure about almost everything, but I am not telling anyone….including you.
2) I am not mature enough or confident enough or self-assured enough to NOT care about clothing brands or hairstyles or what others think (and sometimes, neither are you).
3) Lecturing doesn’t work.
a. I ask for it
b. You don’t lecture
c. I am about to do something stupid or dangerous
5) I need you…you are my security.
6) I am really glad you are here for me, so don’t check out on me.
7) I need space.
8) Learn the powerful act of nonchalance. If you react instead of responding. I’ll do the same. The more you push one way the more I will push back the opposite direction. The best way to respond to something I say is to ask questions. Find out why I am saying something.
9) My friendships are a mine field, and I am trying not to get blown up.
10) When my friends are around….go away.
11) I have friends….I need a mom.
12) Mean girls do not fade the older I get. They are all around, they are very cruel, and sometimes I am one myself.
13) I am trying to love people like Jesus did. That means that I might make friends with a girl you wouldn’t like. She might dress different or have a reputation. I know she makes stupid choices, and sometimes I tell her. Sometimes I don’t. You need to give me some leeway on this.
14) I often like a guy who doesn’t like me back. I am frustrated and scared and wonder if something is wrong with me.
15) I want to talk about boys and sex but it’s really uncomfortable. I will act aloof, but I am listening.
16) I want to know your history/past, but not about you and dad’s sex history.
17) I am watching you when you are not looking.
c. how you treat your friends
d. how you handle peer pressure
e. what you say about yourself and your body
I know I need boundaries and rules, just not stupid ones.
Great notes. In fact during one of the breaks we took a couple hours and went through one by one and talked amongst ourselves about what Pam shared. I want to encourage you with something else I did when I got home. I took my teenage daughter to lunch and started the conversation like this…..”Kendall we went to that conference for moms and one of the ladies shared a list that she said our daughters would want to tell us. Would you mind reading through these and telling me what you think? Do you think they are true? Well needless to say we were both in tears before the server even got to our table for drinks. God used the list to open conversation that was transparent and treasured. I had the chance to listen, encourage and experience God knitting our hearts together. I thought it would be a great list to share.
James 1:9 – “My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry.”