From time to time I find myself watching the show Hoarders. Not really sure why. I don’t enjoy it. It’s like watching a train wreck – once it’s on I simply cannot turn it off. I find myself sitting there, mouth hanging open, watching as someone literally buried in their own possessions and frankly trash has a meltdown when others try to get rid of the excess. Immediately following watching said meltdown, I go to the garage, select an empty box and walk through my house extracting various items that I decide I can live without. I will not become one of those people tied to possessions. I am NOT a hoarder. Am I?
I recently discovered I am, in fact, a hoarder. I don’t have excess possessions but I do hoard my TIME! This past year, I cleansed myself of what I considered extraneous activities and cleaned my schedule. I declined invites and dropped out of volunteering in some areas. Now I had time – time for me. I was wrapped in a cocoon of my own self, doing what I wanted to do. Whenever someone asked me to participate in something, I found myself calculating the hours spent away and how much time I would have left for myself. I thought I had finally carved out enough time. However, it seemed no matter how much time I accumulated, I was not moving forward. Nothing was getting completed. I was stagnant in my alone time. Prayer was an after thought. I found myself missing people because I had totally withdrawn myself from the public. Yes, I had my free time but at what cost?
After a realization of what I had become (a hermit?) I have plunged myself back into society – back into life. I am back out there and going strong. I have reconnected with people and committed to things that yes, use up my free time. And you know what, I am getting more accomplished than when I was miserly hoarding my time. I recited a list of accomplishments to my daughter recently and she replied “Mom, you’re a machine.” You see God does provide – even time. When I gave up my time to Him, He has blessed me beyond measure. Psalms 23:5 says: You care for all my needs, anointing my head with soothing, fragrant oil, filling my cup again and again with Your grace. Notice the words “filling my cup AGAIN AND AGAIN”. We give to God our possessions, our talents, our TIME and He fills us to overflowing again and again.
Will I slip back into hoarder mode? It’s possible. It’s something I have to watch diligently. Working full time (and I know I’m not the only person who works) committing my time is something I truly struggle with. But after this revelation, God has reminded me it is all His time – not mine and I was put on this earth to spend my time serving Him.
Carol (former Hoarder)