Early on in our marriage, Clay and I knew without a doubt that there were some definite differences. I cry during the Grey’s Anatomy when Denny dies even though I’ve seen that episode 5 times and he gets excited about a History Channel program. The floor on his side of the bed is perfectly clear and you could get lost in the piles of clothes on my side. I am completely loyal to the use by date and he only thinks it is a loose suggestion…gross.
The one difference that sits close to my heart today is something where I wish I was more like him.
What is it you ask?
Well, it is how we approach an overwhelming problem, issue, situation, etc. Clay has this amazing ability to take a problem, break it apart, and begin to work on solving it. He doesn’t get stuck in the details or the what ifs. And before you know it, he is able to move forward because he has dealt with the problem.
Then there is me.
When I have a problem, I think about it. I dream big about how to fix the problem. I make a list of the things that I could do to fix the problem. Then I shut down. I become paralyzed with the details. I get stuck thinking about the what ifs. I stare at the list and then I tell myself….I’ll work on that tomorrow.
And tomorrow never comes.
At Momentum, I joined three thousand of my closest girl friends in what was an amazing night of worship and fellowship. We were challenged in ways I could not have even imagined. Christine Caine brought the truth of God in a fiery and passionate way. If I am honest, I thought I would head straight home from the conference and write the blog for this week and be in bed by eleven. Well, after staring at my blank computer screen for over two hours, I knew that God needed more time to help me digest the amazing teachings of the evening.
Monday morning with cup of coffee in hand, my Bible, and the twenty pages of notes from the conference, I asked God to show me what he wanted to teach me about my heart.
Frogs. Pharaoh’s response. Exodus 8:10. Momentum. Forge. Freedom. Surrender.
Exodus 8 introduces us to one of the ten plagues. The plague of frogs had hit and Pharaoh summoned Moses. He told him to pray to his God and ask for the frogs to go away and he would then set the people free. Moses told him he would pray and then asked him when he wanted it to happen. And then Pharaoh said….Tomorrow.
If I had a problem such as a plague of frogs and Moses was going to pray to God to remove the problem, I don’t think I would tell him that he should go hang out for the rest of the day and just do it when he had time the next day.
I would be yelling….NOW!
Or would I?
Real live slimy frogs don’t plague me…but we all have some type of “frog” holding us captive, plaguing our hearts and lives. My unloving reaction to my children while trying to get out the door to the car, the thoughts that suffocate me as the scale stares back at me, or the guilt that hits as my eyes glance over toward my dust covered Bible.
If God wants us to live in freedom by removing the frogs that plague us, then why do I hold on to them so tightly?
How can I forge to freedom if I will not let go?
And God quietly whispered “Surrender my sweet child, surrender.”
When I think about the word forge, I picture something charging down a hill to win a battle. I don’t think about surrendering. Raising the white flag does not seem freeing to me. That is weak. That is what you do when you lose. That is counter-productive.
I was frustrated with what God was telling me. It sounded so “churchy.” It sounded like an answer you should hear from God. But it didn’t make sense, so I went to visit Webster. Who knows, maybe I don’t really understand the words.
Surrender. Forge. Freedom.
Three words. Three definitions. One person floored.
To surrender: abandon oneself entirely to a powerful force; agree to stop resisting and hiding
To forge: move forward gradually or steadily
Freedom: The power to act, think, speak without restraint
The whispers began to become clear.
If freedom is what God desires for me, He wants me not to be in restraints. The bondage from my ‘frogs’ that I hold onto so tightly keep me from having the full ability to live the life Christ died for me to have.
Enough is enough. I need to hand over these frogs. I must surrender myself…I need to abandon myself completely to God and stop hiding, resisting, and holding on to that which holds me down. I need to give all of me to God…not just the parts that are easy and not messy.
I cannot walk around living a full life when I only give 90% of my issues to God. I must surrender ALL of me.
Healing and growth will not happen all at one time once I surrender. It is a process. Once I step out of the restraints, God can start pruning and molding me into the woman He desires for me to be. It is a gradual movement forward. It’s waking up daily and giving all of myself to the one true king and doing what it takes to be more like Christ Jesus than the day before.
It is only when I am completely surrendered that I can forge towards freedom.
Tomorrow is where our hope, freedom, and promise rest, but it is today where the surrendering and the forging take place.
It is time to start naming those frogs. It is time to begin dealing with the mud and junk that we are stuck in. It is time to throw off the chains and start moving forward.
It’s time for the hard work, because God didn’t promise us easy. It’s time to remember that the blood of Christ is stronger than any “what if” I have. It’s time to stop being a victim and begin to walk in freedom.
And that time is NOW.