Over the past couple of months I’ve been on a journey with the Lord unlike any I’ve been on in quite some time.
Matter of fact, lately my “walk” with Him has been stale, really stale.
Don’t get me wrong… God is so good! I’m blessed to have completed many amazing Bible studies over this past year, I teach a small group of Senior girls, my husband is even a student pastor. But I haven’t taken the time to stop in a while to be still before Him, allowing myself to hear the still small voice of my God! You see, sometimes those of us who’ve grown accustomed to the things of God can get comfortable with God himself… he becomes our normal. We forget that He is the God of Universe, the one who spoke this whole world into existence!
Back in October, I needed Him to show up for me on this one particular day… you know how it is, those times of complete desperation for Him. But as I was asking Him to show up, I realized He’s always been there. That still small voice, I was seeking, I finally heard because I sat still long enough to hear from him! This day was the beginning of another “God moment” in my journey through this life with Him. This day totally put my belief in Him and His plan for my comfortable life to the test. I had found myself at a point where I had some questions about the direction for my life, about GOD’S plan for our family & not ours.
Sometimes, the time our faith becomes real when God becomes even bigger in our lives, is when we let go of our picture perfect vision for our life and open-handedly begin pursuing God’s plan & purpose for our lives. Opening our hearts to take a RISK with Him. We position ourselves to become small – so that He can become BIG! This is where I was. He was walking me through the process of changing my heart. Opening my heart to more of Him and less of me. Calling me to literally lay down my life for Him & His Gospel. I’m not talking about salvation here… I’m talking about complete surrender to my normal, my comfort. I begin praying, “Lord not what I want, but whatever you have for us is my hearts desire. I just want to be OBEDIENT, whatever it is that you ask of me & our family. Whatever that looks like.” He was changing my thinking…I wanted my life to matter, to make a difference to be intentional… I was “wrecked”!
I began digging more and more into His word as I sought direction & discernment for His plan for our life. It was there that I realized this life is not my own! And it’s short, super short! That became SO real to me the day before Thanksgiving when I received a phone call that my cousin’s husband & high school friend of mine, had been in a tragic accident & was killed at the age of 30. He left behind his young wife, my cousin, 29 years of age and 3 young children. This did not even make sense & was so hard. It is still so difficult to wrap my mind around, but over the course of the following week as I watched so many people celebrate the life of Andrew, & the eternal difference he made in his short 30 years on earth, God was yet again revealing to me more of what needed to change in me. He was shifting my mindset about this life from me & my “American dream” to Him and making my life count for more than just the here and now. More of Him, less of me! Making a difference in this short life here. Isaiah 26:8 became a reoccurring theme in my heart over this last month. “Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your truth we wait for you, for YOUR NAME & YOUR RENOWN are the desires of our hearts.”
I recently picked up the book “Anything” by Jennie Allen at Lifeway after my cousin recommended it. Right smack dab in the middle of this journey of seeking whatever it is that God has in store for me, he is using this book to literally ROCK my world & shatter my thinking. I would definitely recommend it but with a HUGE warning… if your life is normal, comfortable, & easy and that’s the way you like it, then this book is not for you. You see, opening our hands and releasing control of every detail of our lives is so hard. But I am walking through this journey w/ the Lord where He’s literally showing me what complete surrender & obedience looks like. I find myself journaling and as I pray my mind drifts to what is going to be at the end of “this road” what is God up to, what does He have just around the corner, but then I have to remind myself…This is not about the destination… but it’s all about the journey with Him.
My prayer for you as you read this post is that you would open your heart & your mind to whatever God may have for you, that is BIGGER than you! This journey for me is still going— following daily, clinging so tightly to His hand and wanting whatever it is He has for me & my family. To use us in a way that ultimately uses this short life of ours for HIS GLORY while we are here!! To make our lives count for the Gospel of Christ & to make a difference!
So if you’ve felt His stirring in your heart, He might just be trying to get your attention. Go! Remember, it’s all about the journey…
Jennifer
Started the book last week after reading your blog. Oh my! Thank you so much for the recommendation. I have to admit, I’m terrified but excited about what’s to come next.